So..our hotwater heater has been leaking.First just a little damp spot, them a bit bigger of a puddle. Not so good when you are trying to sell your house (which no one has been biting as it is…feeling like I shall not be going anywhere ..which is FINE really)
Anyway..so after like a week I mention it to Rye, who concures that Yes, we have an issue. He claims he has looked at it and we need a new tank. I say..”Why do you not call Claude?” Claude is his uncle who was trained to install these things..worked for Sears etc. No, Claude is too busy…right.. I know I am dealing with a testestorne issue. He gets really insulted when I infer that he should ask for help. But I am sorry…he knows not what he does. The word clueless comes to mind.

So this AM he gets up with a mission. My husbands mission’s scare me. He gets on a tear and starts ripping things apart. Like the other day, I came home to him TURTLE WAXING the KITCHEN FLOOR!!! He was also screaming about how we MUST get rid of all our area rugs…because they are dirty. So dump the real Orientals over cleaning them..becasue yeah, we can afford to go out and get all new carpets…nope. Over my dead body do we get rid of my rugs!! He stopped waxing mid way..I think maybe he realized that watching the dog flail across the floor might get more annoying than amusing after the 16th time. It is quite the slippery kitchen right now.
Anyway..today was water heater time. OK..I admit it..I’m scared.

So he goes to the Depot and comes home with the big box, gets it into the basement and rips the box open. Discovers it is damaged, but deems “Fuck it!!” as it is just a dent. I am now, cauciously pointing out the heafty instruction booklet..kind of stammering “Read it?…come on, read it first beofe you start doing stuff”…this was confirmed to be a good idea after I hear him say “Oh, maybe I should turn the gas off?”
So if I was to be missing after today..like never seen or heard from again…assume he blew us up.
So I hear banging, and such..he claims easy peasy…hot water here, cold there, and gas…no big deal. Riiighhhtttt…
Then he says to me..”I have to show you something and you will be mad” So I go look and the LEAK is from the hot water input valve only. Like needs some new plumbers putty. What, a 3 dollar product? Yeah..checked that leak 3 weeks ago? He lies!!!
So now….we have a perfectly fine 35 gallon tank which is half undone. A brand new, 350$ 50 gallon tank that is dented and gonna go in anyway.
He says it will imporve out quality of life.
I say that now Garin will be in the shower for an hour and we will have to yell at him that much more.
He says Oh you thought of that?
To which I say You only like it becasue NOW we can have sex in the shower without it running out at a bad time.
He gets all coy, but admits yes…thats IS his motivation.
I knew it. It’s all about the needs of the penis. 350 bucks for his dick.

He still has not read the damn instruction book that came with it, but is looking online for help. Logic?? Nah..all dick. And he is talking about HACKSAWING??

Send me a cheap plumber NOW!!!