We have a bug in the house again. Scareltt had it, now it is Tristan’s turn. I am still in my PJ bottoms and a Tshirt, by his side for the every 15 minute puke runs to the toilet. Ah, you know the drill.
So just quicky…
If you haven’t already go check out N’s newest post. It’s a close to a perfect 10 in so many ways.
Then not to get on something huge, but I am still reeling a bit, so I thought I would share. KT..my IRL freind who reads here and now we end up communicating much more daily..since she came to my turf..lol..anyway, she sent me this message re: Disgusted, etc. and in part ( the reeling part) she says:
“she characterizes you as fine abt the whole thing until you were corrupted by the internet. you told me abt max 5 minutes into our friendship, i’ve known his birthday season since then, i rem. pat agoninzing over it, you spoke of him often and the years till he was 18. i know you did not speak of this to everyone. but you were never fine. “
And I don’t even put this here to support or defend my position in any way with Disgusted…My reaction is almost much more of a startled realization…this is for me. I have know KT since very early in my pregnancy with Garin..so Max was four then….and yes, we have always been close friends, so I do open up to her about stuff..but even then? Right smack in my “good time years”.
You know what?? I thought I had pulled off being OK. Like, not only did I buy into it, but I thought other’s did too?? Beleive it or not, it is really quite shocking to see it out there..black and white “you were never fine”. I didn’t think it was obvious.
Gosh it reminds me so of how when I was dating Paul, the adoptee, right after I had Max..( yeah..slight issues there right??..first boyfreind afterwards and I find an adoptee!) and how after a year and a half the relationship was just not working for me..and I was sooo afraid of breaking up with him becasue i *thought* everyone loved him and thought we were this uber great couple. And so I waited until I really hated him..and THEN everyone that I was so concerned about was like “Yeah, what took you so long? He was an ass”..and I was the only one who couldn’t see it.
Was I still the only one who cannot see it? Is KT just now the first to be brave enough to say what others around me have thought all this time. Can they actually *see* the wounds? I want to know! My God..am I more fucked up than I even thought?? Fooled myself some more? Uggg.
I have made Tristan drink the healing Orange Gatoraide. Now instead of dry heaves, he is projectilling. It keeps splashing on me. Nasty. I wish they still made Hi-C ecto cooler. That stuff was great.
Hi, Claud, just stopping by to say I hope you and your family are feeling better.
my husband’s birth mom is going through something like that now… She thought she’d really dealt with and accepted the adoption and was “fine” after the initial grief. Her mother, her husband, report otherwise. Now she is being odd and pushing back my husband because basically she’s furious there is pain there, and she feels like meeting him brought back all the pain she had dealt with. Her mother and husband are telling her otherwise. She acknowledges the truth is that she’s pissed off that reuniting did not change the fact that she lost him for 25 years and did not raise her own baby and had him literally removed from her by force.
-wkh