Finding Jeni

I was in Louisville, Kentucky for the 2010 Adoptee Rights Demonstration the first time I ever talked to Jeni Flock. My signals had gotten crossed and I had thought I was rooming with Theresa, but her husband was coming. I found myself quite unplanned and not budgeted to have my own room in the hotel. Theresa told me to call Jeni who was on her way to Kentucky and talk to her, so I did.

Under normal circumstance, the idea of having pretty much a complete stranger share your hotel with you and your service dog and your girlfriend might have been met with a cold dismissal, but not with Jeni. She and Faith (and Gracie) immediately welcomed me to stay with them and never one made me feel that I was anything but a most welcome addition to the 2010 ARC experience.  And so my first and foremost impression of Jeni Flock will always be warm, welcoming and inviting. She was such a good soul.

And oh, it was great fun!  Gracie and I were buddies on the pull out. The night of the sign making party, sweet Nikki joined us and we had a massive sleepover in the room.  Rye, a formerly possessive dude, likes to tease me when I am traveling about “meeting guys” and I chuckled as I told him, nope, no guys this time; I am in the “ladies suite”.   I remember laughter and wine. Like many in AdoptionLand, Jeni faced the pain with wit and sarcasm. She could get on such a roll. She could and would say the hard things that people might be thinking, but didn’t dare to say.

Knowing Jeni

After Kentucky, like many, I was friends with Jeni on Facebook and enjoyed her updates and views of her life. I worried about her when she was sick. Laughed at her take on adoption issues when she got going. Couldn’t imagine WHY she really loved that Honey BooBoo, but shared a mutual affection for Little House on the Prairie. Admired her helpful tips on how to be a better person, to give to others.  To remind us all to donate to shelters for humans, for animals, for ourselves.

Right now, I am feeling so thankful  that the 2013, Adoptee Rights Demonstration  was in Atlanta this past year as it was Jeni’s home base and a chance to see my friend again. Moments, again, treasured. And while pretty much every minute spent among our community, fighting for justice, is so ingrained, to happy for me, I do give special thanks for that time with Jeni.

Losing Jeni

Today is the first day of spring and Jeni’s long winter is also over. The sad news went out yesterday that our friend and comrade in the fight for justice, Jeni Flock, has passed.

I want to share Kate’s loving tribute to Jeni because she has said it best:

Dear Adoption Community Friends,

With a broken and heavy heart I share the news of the unexpected passing of someone dear to so many of us: Jeni Gay Flock. She was one of my dearest friends in the world; and although we were not related by blood, she was one of my soul sisters and I will miss her more than I can put into words. Please bear with me…

Jeni was a beautiful person, inside and out. She was intelligent, funny, thoughtful, and kind. She was feisty and unwavering when it came human and animal rights, and she was very generous towards those in need. She was a volunteer and a voice for multiple causes and was always willing to help make the world a little better if she could. She wrote silly poems, told great jokes, and mixed a hell of a drink. She loved animals, kids, language, art, books, and ridiculousness on tv. She was opinionated, loud, goofy, talented, and sweet. Her energy was contagious and her laugh was one of my favorite sounds. In spite of her own problems and many pains, she was someone who cared about the rest of the world enough to try to do something about it. Jeni was an unforgettable person and an amazing human being. She is gone far too soon and there is already a huge hole created by her absence.

For those who knew and loved her, I know this is a huge shock and a big blow to the community. I am sorry that I am unable to contact everyone individually rather than have people find out through a Facebook post, but there are so many of us who cared about her. I do not have much information about a memorial service at this moment, but I will share more details as I receive them. Hugs and love to all of you.

Jeni, I love you so much. Always. Rest in peace, My Dear Sister.  XOXOXO

 

Jeni Flock was a NY adoptee who had not had a good experience, nor a good reunion,  She was not treated well by adoption, and had to fight for acceptance, for family, and even for a driver’s license. She had medical issues that plagued her and impacted all too much on her life.   Her last FB communication was on March 5th and she asked for prayers as she was fighting  a nasty outbreak of shingles, costochodritis and an eviction notice. The cause of her death is not yet known, but I understand she was found at her home on Wednesday, March 19th, around 4pm. The initial news came from Faith, so it is confirmed. We have been reassured that sweet Gracie, Jeni’s loving service dog,  is being taken care of.

Along with Kate’s word’s I was looking at Jeni’s profile and missing her already. I read this today in Jeni’s Notes. It’s a much longer post, but this part has all too much meaning today;

saturday morning, our group met to discuss what we wanted from life in terms of our futures, both immediately and in days, months and years to come.

i was listening to some ladies who were a couple of generations ahead of me as they spoke mostly of feeling they had gotten to a place in their lives where their thoughts in that moment were mostly geared toward a specific goal. the ideas, in their own words was they felt the lives they had lead up to that point were made up of thoughts and actions and enough “check ins” at sunday services that they felt they had earned a RIGHT to be seated close to god in heaven when they arrived.

they also included things like the pain of divorce, a husband lost to suicide, one woman with health issues….each of them concluded these events were their ticket to heaven, with a great seat! i listened to their words, i wondered whether their experiences and expected outcomes were to come true.

all of this made me sort of examine what i wanted or expected from life and, really….from death as well. what’s the goal? what’s the reason to live the way i live? actually, more importantly, IS there a reason to live the way i live? am i supposed to feel obligated to behave in a way that will get me a good seat? do i want a good seat? quite honestly, i don’t particularly care. i don’t sit still very well anyway.

Yes, there IS a reason to live the way you lived, Jeni. Know that there was reason and you touched many. You got a good seat waiting for you because you live your life the way you did.

I know like myself, many of us in the Adoption community are just shocked and saddened by this tragic loss. I can only take comfort in knowing that Jeni can see how  much she was loved , how she has helped so many people, and how deeply she will be missed.

Fly away, Jeni, fly, fly away.