All over the place tonight…maybe I’ll work backwards.
I just got back form my kids cousin’s birthday party. So nice samll family like affair..simple, cake and presents, nothing insane..a bout a half dozen kids.
No sooner do I get there, two of the guests ( relations on the other side?? I am not sure..they seemed like an older lesbian couple..not that that matters..) are showing off to Colleen ( my husband’s Aunt, one year older than me, hence my friend) pictures of a new baby.
Cute, right?
And then I hear, as I am not involved in the conversation, “..when they GOT her..” and my adoption alarm goes off..I get that feeling in my stomach. So I listen and it sounds like an international adoption..and I am even going to assume Russsia becuae the baby was very CC looking..so it was not China or Guat..and I was looking out the corner of my eye, upsidedown, and this woman..sounds like Grandma status..proudly tells Colleen abut how they celebrate Gotcha day..and explains what gotcha day means…to which Colleen says “Oh cool!”
So it’s a kids birthday party..and I couldnt reall barge in and start with my..”Wow..I am a natural mother..and Gotcha Day really isn’t cool” and go into a tirade about how even adoptees don’t all love that day..and how adoption equals loss, etc. I just couldn’t do it..I couldn’t do it to Colleen, who I like, at her so’s party..and really..I think she just said “Cool” as a generic response..as I have had sopme really great conversations with her about Max.
But I hate it when I let things go.
So then..present time..and this child..who turns 6 today..got..a HUGE air rifle..and was sooo happy and proudly yelling ” A real gun!! My own real gun!!”…
Ok..I HATE guns. I get physically sick from being around guns. I have a real phobia, which really isn’t a phobia considering that my father…well he screwed me up with guns. He was a NY City cop..a bad one…like you know how they protect their own..well they made him retire and they said No more guns for you in NY State…he was THAT bad. Anyway, when I was about 6, he was cleaning his service revolvers on my moms ironing board in the basement, and I, watching asked him about them. And he loaded it and pointed it to my head..and said ” Wel this is a ….caliber and that means if I pulled the trigger now, then your brains would go all over mommy’s clother’s dryer…and now if I put it here ( under my chin) then your brian would go all over the ceiling but you might not die, just be stupid forever, etc” Ok…so that’s enough right? I can hate guns..and seeing this kid..my nephew get a huge gun………ugggg.
And then, as we are leaving to go, I SMACK Tristan with the car door across the cheekbone…OMG..I felt sooo bad. It was, of course, totally an acident..I was rushing since I had to move my car to let other cars out, and I had a handfull of goodie bags, and I think he moved from where I told him to stay, but I still feel like crap. I know it hurt like hell. And, oh..how he screamed. So I get a bad mommy point.
I just hate kids parties.
—————–
So shopping the other day, I found Pirate bandaids..in a cool Pirate box..and bought them for Max. I felt like Kim Kim buying little trinkets and such..lol. It really is so much fun to do these little mom like things and buy stuff for your kid. I mailed them off today with a message to him..just so he is aware. He said he is very excited, he loves gifts..so I am stoked.
Butttttttt, his aparents have said NOTHING to indicate that they have recieved a letter from me. I know it is not lost in the mail…WTF? Can we stop pretending that I am not around?? I just don’t get that. It’s like almost three weeks.
___________
Annoyed with boards..annoyed with adoption world boards…
Anti boards insist that there is no use in talking and being civil with adoptive parents. That no good comes of it. That nothing changes…no compassion..no real support..that they only ise the information gained via sharing to further their own interests.
This is said generally, but I feel it personally…as they know that this is exactly what I do. So I feel chasitized..and defensive, but no longer willing to open myself up and speak about why I do beleive that communication is necessary and helpful. WHatever..I have said it before..they know what I think..and I am just not getting “told” on this one. I am not. So, in essence, I get grief from people I DO admire and respect, for doing what I beleive in ..which is writing and talking about this stuff on huge public baords where many “pro” adoption people are.
Then on the “pro” boards..I find out that people are all upset that “they cannot Ignore” me. Meaning, that for soem reason, I upset them..Ok..I can give that, but if they see my posts they are compelled somehow to read them? They can’t just hit back space and self moderate themselves…no, they have to have a button?
Well it was decided that they cannot ignore me…and that is good for then the grief that I get from the other Anti’s would all be for naught if all the “Pro’s” had me all on Ignore.
———
ER is a repeat.
———-
And then, there is this…so, so, so disgusting..that I can’t even get the words around it.
I had found the “non-profit” info on them..
GOLDEN LINK FOUNDATION INC
In Care of Name MARYANN MIJAJLOVIC
Address 211 E ONTARIO ST STE 1010
CHICAGO, IL 60611-3495
Map-G Map-Y Map-V
IRS Subsection 501(c)(3) – A religious, educational, charitable, scientific or literary organization.
Type of Foundation Organization which receives a substantial part of its support from a governmental unit or the general public
Type of Organization Corporation
Deductibility Contributions are deductible
Tax I.D. Number 581649965
Exempt Since 07-1987
Form 990 Requirment Not required to file (income less than $25,000)
Last 990 Form Filed 12-2004
Form 990 Amount $6,000
Activity #1 Care and housing of children (orphanage, etc)
and the same woman..
Birth Hope Adoption Agency
3225 N Central Ave # 1217
Phoenix, AZ 85012-2411 US
Mary Ann MijajlovicWork: (602) 277-2868
Adoption World
211 East Ontario, Suite 1010
Chicago, Illinois 60611
Phone: 3126648933
MaryAnn Mijajlovic
Phone: 3126648933, MaryAnn Mijajlovic. Adoptions From the Heart 870 Greenbrier Circle, Greenbier Tower, Suite 401 Chesapeake, Virginia 23320
So we are already linking her to three agencies……so this Gloden link…has many links…It just so reeks of blantent corruption and buying babies, that I can barely breath. It is paying women to relinquish…no other way to see that…open baby buying.
Sick motherfuckers..that is all I have to say.
Excuse me while I hurl.
and that wraps it up kids…I feel annoyed, disgusted, oh..and OLD…plus on my birthday…yeah, Rye will be working ALL DAY…and I should have my period.
Meh.
I just wanted to yark when I saw this site Claud! I posted it at the adoptese web site too. I know Suz is working on it as well. Frakking Kurtz.. I hope things will be better soon!
(((((((Claud))))))))))
((Claud))
Wow. I always feel guilty when I don’t call people on something as well. Then I think, it’s because I didn’t feel safe to, and think it is ok.
Accidents happen, no bad mommy points.
And, yeah, they are all Evil.
I don’t think it’s anyone’s job to personally save the world in every instance. Sometimes, promotion of peace is more important than promotion of personal goals. I mean, what on earth could have been acheived by you shooting off your mouth there? Nothing but resentment. Don’t beat yourself up for not championing it even in unwinnable moments.
as for antiadopters chastising and adopters wishing to ignore… I am perplexed how people take things so very personally. Why not listen to what someone has to say, and think about it? If it doesn’t apply to you, no reason to feel upset.
I suppose that’s also really effing easy for me to say when a) I’d never ever adopt domestically unless like, my brother and his gf asked me to take their kid or something extraordinary like that, and b) I am perfectly 100% comfortable after much thought and insight with adopting from China. I suppose if I’d chosen domestic standard adoption I might be a bit more touchy, eh?
I have made a lot of “controversial” (meaning someone has something to say about it) choices in my life, and maybe it’s getting older (but a lot of adopters are older than me?? I’m 31 FYI) but once I have really felt at peace and right about something, I appreciate other people thinking or sharing something but it doesn’t faze me as I *know* and feel comfortable with myself.
That said, I read stuff like first moms blogs to keep my head from getting too big and to give me a reality check. I don’t ever want to become TOO comfortable to where I think I am infallable.
-wkh
thanks for the post on the goldenlink. ugh. the stories i could tell. sick sick sick.
You can find out more about Kurtz and the Golden Link foundation at http://www.babybrokerwatch.com/
Absolutely disgusting!! I just don’t see how it can be legal, let alone get grants from the government. This shit is out of control!!
Hello,
I read some of your blog and see that you are very passionate on this topic. Were you also adopted? I saw that you had given up a son for adoption. I read your profile, but I still don’t feel like I know where you are coming from, that is why the questions.
Claud- I can see you had one of “those days” yesterday, the kind where nothing seems quite right. I’m so sorry.
The Golden Link foundation does indeed sound shady. It’s a real eye opener to me that these types of blatantly unethical agencies still exist! Thanks for making me aware of the ones you’ve mentioned.
I’m really sorry to hear that Max’s adoptive parents are choosing to ignore your heartfelt letter. That’s quite disappointing, to say the least. I still admire you for putting yourself out there like you did. I only wish your openness would’ve been reciprocated.
As for bad mommy points, don’t go there. We’ve all had our accident moments. I felt horrible one morning when I stood Snuggle Bug on a chair for “just a second,” as I reached for something on the table, and didn’t catch him when he fell off! He hit his head on the floor, this was in a restaurant, and EVERYONE turned to see why our little guy was crying and screaming in pain. I wished the floor would open me up and swallow me, I was absolutely mortified and angry with myself for being so stupid! Thankfully he was fine and eventually he was comforted.
Anyway, I hope today is a better day for you.
EEEEWWWWW! That site! I had to quickly hit the back button.
I don’t think I would have said anything about the adoption situation, especially it being international. I personally do not think its right to steal someones joy not knowing their own personal situation.
As for the gun thing, well I probably would have said to my kids very loudly “don’t even think about asking, playing or touching that damn thing.” That just seems so unwise to give a kid something like that.
As for what others say about you having contact and dialogue with us adopters. I have to say that I have appreciated it. I have learned and I am learning. I appreciate the things you said to me a few weeks ago, giving me perspective and the door to be compassionate.
I think you should continue on your journey and should continue with talking to all members of the triad.
Bleh. The last part makes me need to throw up with you.
Bleh.
I’m really disgusted with Max’s aps. I don’t ‘get’ them at all. I thought they’d take their time – but not THIS long. I know it’s not much consolation when you want to take the pressure off Max, but at least you know you’ve done the right thing. And he’ll know it too. I wonder if he anticipated their reaction? I guess he has their numberl by now 😉
Kids birthdays are horrible. Weird and unfun. I didn’t like them when I was a kid, and I didn’t like them when I had kids. Fortunately I don’t have to go to them now.
Poor old Tristan. And you too! I’ve shut the car door on our youngest’s finger, but never gobsmacked him with it, thank God. Once, long ago, I opened the front door to E who’d come back from kindergarten. He jumped up to hug me. I bent down to hug him, and we collided. Head butts. Or rather his head forced my upper teeth into my lower lip and blood spurted all over him. Poor little bugger, he was terrified. I think he thought he’d killed me.
Re. anti-boards, I don’t agree with those people (but then I wouldn’t, would I?;-)). I admire the fact that you don’t shut up but are always respectful and never craven – quite the opposite in fact. And the fact that the mboards complain that they can’t ignore you – isn’t that a good thing? Much better to irritate the hell out of them. It would be a terrible waste of all your hard work and passion if they did ignore you.
Hope you or whoever you got it from don’t mind, but I’ve posted the latest Seymour Kurtz outrage around. It’s so shameless, it speaks for itself (to those that have ears, that is). And it would be a pity to waste such a ‘golden’ opportunity.
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