Headline: Twelve out of Twelve Scientific Studies find that Relinquishing a Child to Adoption is Harmful to your Health!

In the summer of 1999, two certified nurse midwifes published a piece in The Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic and Neonatal Nursing. They took the twelve existing studies on relinquishing mothers from 1978 to date of publication and grouped the data and compared. Their final conclusion? “The relinquishing mother is at risk for long term physical, psychological, and social repercussions. Although interventions have been proposed, there is little known about their effectiveness in preventing or alleviating these repercussions.”

In other words, we are screwed and then we are fucked.

I’m sorry to be blunt, but that’s the truth of it.

There are more than TEN MILLION moms in the US. TEN MILLION (in 1999)…and what happens to us has only been “studied sparotically for the past 20 years” ( in 1999..so make that 35 years!).”Little attention is paid to the women who gave birth to that child and her reaction to the adoption process”

Now, Askren and Bloom ( the midwives) looked up research papers in medical search engines and discounted any that just dealt with teens. They then compiled all the findings and made their final conclusions. They acknowledged that the base of this information is not a true indicator of all reactions, as the groups studies together only comprises 625 moms and that it is very difficult to get a complete picture due to the smaller population available for sampling..but still, to me, 625 moms with very similar findings..that says something! The median for these moms were ….surprise…white, unmarried and average aged 25 ( range was 14 to 35 years). Time passed from the point of loss was 2 months to 35 years. Most what religious faith, had completed or were in school. Most moms relinquished due to age, martial status and educational aspirations. Forced surrenders are also included.

Key points in the study on Birth Mothers:

• Moms are “at risk for the additional emotions of long term grief“
•  “the loss of their children have profound effects that can last for the life time of each women”
•  While moms had a typical grief response, it was “often prolonged and may actually intensify over time”
• Moms passed though the grief stages BEFORE delivery and again after loss.
• Relinquishing moms “have more grief symptoms than woman who have lost a child due to death”
• Included in grief was “denial, dispear, atypical responses, disturbances in sleep, appetite and vigor”
• The loss was considered “incomplete” due to the child continuing to exist though the mother has no access…so enter “shadow grief”
• The unresolved grief may lead to “chronic grief with attendant somatic and situational problems”
•  Playing into the long term effects..lack of social awareness and acceptance of our losses, encouragement of the loss, and expecting us to “resume our former role” causing moms to”deny and suppress her feelings of grief, often leading to chronic sequelea later in life”
• We see it as a “life long process and our lives are profoundly changed by the loss of the child”

So what do birth mtohers have to look forward to?

Denial ..a “coping strategy in which the mother engages in an emotional facade of normal life inspite of intense emotional pain”
Depression..we have more than our aged match control groups!So we look more to psychiatric help for “depression and other psychological disorders, sometimes years later”
Anger and Guilt
Continued dreams..of the infant, long after the fact, were “mentioned by most women”
Repression and fantasy..considered “defensive reations to ongong emotional trauma and are used as a coping mechanism”
Seconadary Illnesses….due to the “grief reaction being prolonged, it may manifest itself in psychosomatic complaints” as well as real medical issues…”recurring gyn infections, frequent or sever headaches, somatic symptoms, and sexual difficulties” and then the increased chance of secondary infertility.
Relationships with others…familial and marital difficulties, discord, stresses, parenting difficulties including “overprotective parenting styles”
Acknowldeged are the “anniversary of the birth and relinquishment” as powerful reminders of the “mother’s sorrow, as can the birth of another child”
Also included were “Searching” ( as an issue??)needed to “fill the void se feels and resolve her grief”..also as an attempt to “find herself” as se was broken apart at the time of loss.

It concludes with a call for more studies including for fathers too. It says that we need “someone who will support them (us) and (our) interests at this vunerable point in our lives” and calls for help “during the long process of our recovery”…and if they listen to us, “the woman themselves hold the key to how well they are adjusting and whether or not intervention is required. If we ( the medical profession) listens, they ( us) will tell us ( them)”
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Gee…do you think anyone has been listening??? Do you really think anyone cares yet??? And isn;t this the stuff that we have been saying about ourselves?
My conclusion? Adoption fucks you up!