How Does Open Adoption Work for the Adopted Child’s Benefit?

Open adoption can mean different things to different people. Typically, it is understood that there will be ongoing contact between the adoptive family and the biological family. This contact can happen to varying degrees.

I’d like to discuss the extremes of this contact from the viewpoint of the adopted child.

Types of Open Adoption; How Open is the Door?

Limited Contact in an Open Adoption

In the first open adoption scenario, there may be very limited or restricted contact between the adoptive family and birth family. In this type of “openness,” the birth parent may receive updates from the adoptive family. There may be pictures and letters sent every 3-4 months for the first year and then yearly after that, often through the adoption agency or another gatekeeper. There may also be a yearly visit.

Adoption agencies usually try to reassure an expectant mom that they will be comforted that their baby is doing well with these updates.

While a biological parent may be comforted by knowing a child is doing well, a child will never have comfort and reassurance from simply knowing the birth parent is doing okay.

This is a huge statement. Children do not have that ability. From personal experience I can tell you that I was never content from simply knowing my biological family was doing well. I wanted to be with them, talk to them, receive letters from them and visit them as much as possible. So while my biological mom may have been reassured, I was not!

A Very Open Adoption; the Blended Family

In the second scenario, the adoptive and biological families basically become a large blended family. In this case, the ideal is that holidays, birthdays, graduations and other celebrations include both families. The extended family of each side, both adoptive and biological are included so there may be phone calls, social media interaction and regular visits. Some adoptive families have opened their home to the biological mom during certain times or situations. Also, if the baby/child needs a sitter, the biological extended family such as the biological grandparents may be regular, even weekly, baby sitters. In this scenario, there is really no limit on the contact.

Here is what this open adoption looks like to the child who was adopted:

My biological family was willing to go to extremes to make sure I went to an adopted family. If all of this support was there, why didn’t my biological family simply support my biological mom so she could keep me?

Blending families is difficult in even the best of situations when everyone on both sides come from an open and understanding standpoint. The possibility of this happening between two families in less than ideal circumstances is even more remote. This means that the two families must be fully committed to making this type of open adoption work. This effort, especially on the part of the biological family side, may demonstrate to a child how far everyone was willing to go in creating a separation of that child from his or her natural family.

Is Open Adoption Created for the Child Adopted or the Grown Ups Needs?

In either one of these open adoption scenarios, ‘limited contact’ and ‘blended family,’ the adopted child’s viewpoint is left out as the adults have reassurance. Might you see how your child could interpret these circumstances and see that open adoption might not be such an easy solution?