While we cannot say 100% for sure, the belief is that they returned Camden to the agency after they learned the truth about Carri’s intent and the state of the adoptive placement.

Based on the information that was on their  still public and searchable profile on the Adoption by Gentle Care website,  and with the help of various Search Angels in the adoption community, we were able to track down their contact information.

At that point, on April 27th, 2014, they were sent an email explaining that Carri had changed her mind, we had thought the biological father would also fight the adoption, that AGC had potentially made some unethical if not illegal moves, and that there was great potential for a legal fight and media coverage.

The Actual Letter Sent to the Pre-Adoptive Family

Dear XXX and XXX,

I am truly sorry for having to bust in on your lives and for what I am about to share with you. I know it will be upsetting and most likely shocking and not something you want to hear. Again, I can only apologize ahead of time, but please know that I do not in any way relish or find enjoyment  in this at all. I know I am a complete stranger and a normal first reaction would be to dismiss this message as the ramblings of some crackpot, but please, I beg you to try not to react that way, but to pause, let my words settle and process this before taking action. I have no motive but to speak the truth and make sure that you are aware of what is happening and avoid as much future pain as possible. Unfortunately, the initial pain of the truth will be impossible.

I know that you have a baby boy that was placed in your care by Adoption Gentle Care. I believe that you would be wonderful parents, not that my judgment does nor should mean anything at all. What I fear, and the purpose of this communication is that I worry that Gentle Care has not been honest nor truthful with you surrounding the circumstances of his relinquishment.  To  just put it bluntly, his mother, Carri, realizes that she has made a terrible mistake and desperately wants him back.

Again, I am assuming that AGC has probably not told you of what is going on behind the scenes. Carri has been working on revoking the consent since three days post signature. Now, I know that in Ohio there is not a revoke period and so, technically, her changing her mind 3 days post is not grounds for a return of this baby. I am sure  that AGC stance is to insist this is a  “legal” surrender, however, what I am assuming they are not saying is that they did not follow the law when Kelli took the consent and there are a multitude issues with it. I will spell them out here so you can get a grasp of the magnitude.

First, the surrender document was signed while Carri was still on medications post birth.  Kelli knew this and told Carri to say she was not still taking  Vicodin as well as Dilaudid and sleep deprived. There are medical records and her doctors that will testify that she was not in a frame of mind to make such a decision.

The surrender was taped, but Kelli stopped the tape (which is illegal) to tell Carri to again lie about her Native American Blood. As a representative of AGC, she told Carri that IF she was truthful about her heritage, then the baby would “go to foster care”. I am hoping that you are aware of the Veronica Brown story and the implications of ignoring the Indian Child Welfare Act, so you see that ignoring ICWA provisions is a huge deal.

Carri was told to lied by AGC about the mindset of the baby’s father; instructed to list him as unknown on the birth certificate and ignore him completely. Kelli’s indication is that “he doesn’t matter”, but morally and legally, he does.

AGC was also informed, numerous times, that Carri was only relinquishing due to the pressure of her significant other.  Ignoring the implications of coercion to relinquish is missing a huge red flag; AGC should have put the brakes on right there.

I will tell you that I have seen many revocations of adoption surrenders come my way and even more birthmothers that regrets the surrender soon after. Many times, though the mother is also full of sadness and regret, the truth is that she has nothing to stand on, there is little that she can do to prove that an agency did wrong. This is not one of those times. Carri has already gotten legal counsel and that alone should be telling. It is actually very difficult to find an adoption attorney who is willing to take on a revocation. In addition, her attorney, XXXX was formerly a founder of AGC; so that carries additional weight.  Two other adoption attorneys are also on board and the birthfather is getting his own representation.  DNA and paternity have been file in the Franklin Country courts.

Because the actions of AGC have been so unethical on Carri’s side, I truly worry that they are not telling you the truth now so that you can make a true informed decision for your family. Carri and the father only want the baby back, but are willing to go the distance to fight  this relinquishment  legally if that is what it takes.  I am concerned that AGC is downplaying what is happening, perhaps saying something like “She is having trouble adjusting” or, even worse, “don’t worry about it, it was all legal”. AGC knows that the consent is under fire and are acting like they will move to litigation, but this is something that can involve your family for years as well often on a very public level.

And please, know, I am not saying this in a threatening way; but again, truthfully.  AGC has also ready been involved in more than a few questionable adoptions and does not have a stellar reputation.  They have been involved already in a revoke case that went all the way up to the US supreme court and that played out in the media for years;  Grayson Vaughn.  There is tons of information online about the case if you Goggle it, but bottom line, in the end, the child went back to the biological family.  With the addition of the ICWA implications,  fighting this legally would be something that could be a constant source of stress in your life for years to come. I just greatly doubt that AGC has warned you that you are in a position to be the nation’s next Capobiancos. I just cannot believe that normal sane people would want this in their lives and especially, for either of the children.

Of course, I cannot tell you what to do and what is happen is no reflection on you at all as human beings or parents. I know that most people go into adoption with the best of intentions and do believe that they are proving a loving home for a child that needs a home, but this time it is just not the case.

This baby isn’t unwanted, though his birth did cause his family some conflict. However, the confusion was temporary and quite short lived.  As adoption professionals, AGC should have seen that and paused for everyone’s best interests, but they did not choose to do so. Now, everyone is paying the price for the mistakes AGC made. He has a loving stay at home mother- who is really a lovely, normal, good  person;  a step father and a father who are ready to welcome him back. He has five there brothers and sisters waiting to meet their little brother in a big house outside of Columbus.  There are no financial concerns. There are no criminal or abusive issues, no CPS cases against the family. They are a perfectly normal family. There is no question that he would have just as good as a life as if he stayed with your family.

Again, I do not know what AGC has been telling you, but I am telling you the truth. If you decide to fight for him, then you are doing so to cover AGC mistakes and one day, he will know that he was wanted by his family and kept form them for no real reason.   I work with enough adult adoptees to know that most of them desire to know the truth of their beginnings and with a legal case this that the media will pick up, it will be easy to find.  I know many adoptive parents who found out later there were lies regarding the child that was transferred and the guilt is not a pretty thing to live with; I do not wish that on anyone.

Please know, I actually do not know how to “undo” this in the legal way. I know AGC has said that IF you returned the baby, they would just place him again with another family.  I guess that would make it someone else’s problem, but I would feel for that family as well. I am not sure how AGC believes that they are looking out for the best interest of anyone by making such a move, rather than just admitting their mistakes and doing what its right. The way I see it now, I do believe that both your family and Carri’s family have been exploited and wronged by AGC. There are many concerned citizens now who are contacting the Ohio State Attorneys General’s office and questioning their license.

I am sure your first response to this will be panic and to ask AGC what truth their might be in this. I don’t think they will be truthful. They have taken down their facebook page; a move I see that will hide the truth and keep if from you and other adoptive parents. I would think that legal advice completely  independent of AGC would be your best bet at this junction.

If anything, I ask that you think about XXXX ( their daughter) and how you would feel if someone took her away and refused to give her back.  Even if you thought that it was something you needed to do and then found out you did not. What if someone just stood in your way saying “It’s legal”. We have a saying her in AdoptionLand; Just because it is legal, doesn’t mean that it is ethical or morally right.

In any case, I am sure this is enough now for you to take in. Again, I am sorry. I am sure this has ruined your day. If you have any questions or require more information, please do not hesitate to ask.

AGC did seem to confirm that based on these reasons; the pre-adoptive family did return Camden to the custody of the agency, who then choose to place Camden in foster care rather than return him to Carri.

While it is very sad and unfortunate that AGC didn’t follow up on both Carri’s and this families wishes for a full dissolution of the adoption plan, we are thankful that this family was ethical and considerate enough to do the right thing.  While  we have been asked to not contact them and will comply, the fact is that we are sympathetic to the disruption and pain this caused in their lives as well and hope that one day they can know that.