Who is Stephanie Bennett?
I don’t know her. Do you? To me she is a faceless name. I never saw a picture. I know what you know. A girl mom, 17, who lives in Ohio.
I have been told she looks like a Quaker. Tall and lean very plain, with long hair she pulls back from her face. I imagine a still sad face, long and lean too, no make-up, little animation. After all, I can guess, she is numb from loss, from this turn in her life, from the events preceding it, she is damaged now, her soul scarred, there is a small part of her mind that wonders what she did to deserve this fate.
What Did She Do to Lose her Baby to Adoption?
The sad part is that she did nothing to deserve this. No one ever does, but Stephanie Bennett, just a girl in Ohio, had many a domino lined up against her and though it all, she was just a pawn to others needs and agendas.
What should be frightening, not just for us in adoptionland that care about reform, that care about morals and ethics and justice, but for ANYONE in the United States that HAS a child, or cares about another person…is that so many abuses and misjustices have occurred and NO, the Bennetts have never done anything to deserve ANY of IT! They are just a family in Ohio, trying to live a life, just like you and your family wherever you happen to live are trying to live yours.
Imagine being Judy Bennett. You are not that far off from her. You too are a mom, you have a husband and kids, you fight to meek out an existence, do what is right and good for you family, you believe in God and goodness, justice even perhaps, you have children who go to schools sanctioned and supported by the government of this country. Your house bares an American flag.
Your daughter, you find is pregnant. She is 17 and this is not what you had in mind, but you adapt, you make do. This is your grandchild after all, a child named for your own mother, Evelyn. Family is important. Never mind that she hid the pregnancy from you until three weeks before the birth, never mind that they have to go on Medicaid to pay the bills, never mind that there is no wedding ring. But there is a way, you can do it all, your daughter go to school, you watch your beautiful grandchild..family works.
Hidden Agenda’s of the Adoption Industry
But what about what you don’t know. What of there were other forces working against all that your were doing? What if they had other plans? That your daughter was made to fear for your life. That she was keeping a secret, a secret that should not be kept, but she felt bound to protect you? And this secret, years in the making, was that someone had other controls upon your daughter. Someone who you trusted once was using her and then when the evidence was not just clear, but a living breathing life of it’s own, the treats became even more sinister.
But she doesn’t tell you, your daughter. She lives it ever day, yet protects both you and her own daughter the only way she knows how.
You trust education. It is important. You do what you must so your daughter can continue to go to the public school and learn. But what she learns is that there is no help for the innocent. No protection for those in need. Wrestling with your life on her shoulders, her daughters care, threats made for safety, harboring secrets and lies to protect..she utters one word. Just a thought perhaps, what does she know? She is just looking for a possible solution for the weight that she carries on her 17 year old, thin frail shoulders. Someone to help her perhaps..even SEE that she has a weight.
Do you have daughter? Can you imagine her carrying that weight?
Adoption, Secrets and Lies
So she utters that one word…Adoption.
And that becomes a death sentence for you family. The wheels are set in motion. Unknown to you, there is a snake in the grass. Disguised as a benevolent need, A Child’s Waiting, has infiltrated the school system. What connection did Thomas Saltzman have with the agency? Is the superintendent of schools somehow connected? Will you ever know WHO profited by the sacrifice of your family? How much of a price tag did you warrant?
Without asking WHY adoption was thought about for her 5 month old daughter, without asking anything that might have lead to the sharing of the horrible secret she carried, without seeming to CARE about what brought her to this point, a phone call was made. And in the public school office, legal papers were signed that destroyed your life. She was suppose to be learning about algebra and trig, she was suppose to be studying Shakespeare, she was suppose to be getting sweating in gym, NOT giving away your granddaughter to protect your life. That’s not what 17 year olds are suppose to be allowed to do.
The Adoption Agency Told Her to Run Away
But you still do not know this. Though, THEY know you do not know. Your daughter KNOWS that you will not allow this to happen, That YOU will find out why and she will have to tell you the secret that she is forced to carry. And when she tells them that you will not walk away form the baby that you all love, they tell her to run away. They set it up so she can be out of the county, out of your control. But to you, she just went to school that day and learned algebra and trig, Shakespeare and sweat.
Until the next day they are gone. Like thieves in the night, she took the evidence of the secret, and did what she was demanded to do, and they came, that agency, and took your granddaughter away.
They say:
But then how did it happen? Is that something a 17 year old in trouble would imagine by herself? And isn’t that suppose to be something that a good ethical agency is SUPPOSED to know about? Where their clients live?? And this happen in a span of 48 or so hours…does that sound like “A birth parent, after careful consideration and counsel, must pass several milestones during adoption planning.”
Is running away a milestone? Or were you, as her mother, as the grandmother just an “possible obstacles”.
This is an agency that has been hailed as a “Best Small Company”, but they also were part of the highly controversial and self propaganda machine “Be My Baby” with Adoptive Mother Barbara Walters. I know for a fact, from very reputable sources, that Jessica, the “content” relinquishing mother was soon to be found in chats crying and drinking her loss away. They also have a STORE and are the authors of lovely advertising. They have also some not so great stories behind them. That’s only one, I have had a few confidentially whispered in my ear since the Bennett story broke.
I want you to imagine, really, being Judy Bennett. I want you to think about if Stephanie Bennett was YOUR child, if Evelyn Bennett was YOUR granddaughter, and you were just an “Obstacle”. I want you to think about what you would do if you had this agency in front of you and keeping your grandchild from you. What if no one cared? What would you do for help?
We should all care about the Bennetts, not just those in adoptionland. We should all care because they are no different than us. They have done nothing wrong to allow this force in their lives and if they have no help, no justice, then none of us are safe.
Evelyn Bennett MUST be returned to her natural family and these abuses in the name of adoption stopped.
This is human rights abuse, it’s unethical, it’s just plain wrong. Thank you for posting so eloquently. And here’s hoping the attention brings Evelyn home SOON!!
It’s hard to believe in this day and age that things like this can still happen — but they do. Just one more horrific example of why there is such a need for reform — but I wish we’d stop getting so many awful “examples,” NWIM?
This was so incredibly wrong — and the tactics used were completely stomach-turning, unethical human rights violations at every level.
Thanks for writing about such an important story,
Mikiment
It’s an absolute travesty.
And yeah Jessica found her way to a certain forum not long after losing her baby. She didn’t seem very happy and content at that point, least from what I could tell of her writings.
It’s all so sad.
That agency makes me shudder.
They swoop down like starving hawks, picking the very life and marrow.
Get that child into the arms of its Mother!
Great story and most important! Dont ever run out of “ink”
What is so frightening to me is that the Bennett tragedy occurred because adoption vultures have made an inroad into recruiting “birthmothers” at high schools. They have been drolling over this possibility for years. In fact, I have read that hopeful adoptive parents are advised to advertize for a “birthmother” by sending letters to high school nurses and counselors.
There will be more Bennett tragedies unless this practice is stopped. Laws must be passed and the school administration must be punished for their hand in stealing the Bennett baby from her family.
Happy G’Ma
I’m trying to understand this story, and I’m wondering if you (or one of your readers) can help me out. What’s making it difficult for me is that all of the timelines and articles and blog entries I’ve read tend to conflate Stephanie and her parents into this big “Bennett Family”, which is a real and important thing in reality, but which *legally* doesn’t help me understand how things have proceeded, since a baby can only legally “belong” to one person or couple at a time. So when the parents got a custody order, for example, I’m *guessing* (I certainly don’t know) that they would have had to allege that stephanie was an unfit parent somehow. Does anyone know if that happened? It’s clear that the *parents* were against relinquishment from day one, but I can’t tell, again, when *stephanie*, who is the only one whose opinion matters here (since she’s the one who had custody to relinquish in the first place) changed her mind or, if you believe she never wanted the adoption, TOLD THE COURT that she had changed her mind. Does anyone know?
thanks,
maura
Maura,
Did you listen to the show on The Adoption Show Sunday night?
The Bennett’s had the right to get temporary custody of Evelyn because Stephanie was a minor. A minor who had not had proper counseling by a reputable source. When they obtained temporary custody, I believe they did not know an adoption plan was being executed. Just that she had run away with the baby and they had Evelyn’s best interests in mind.
No, none of us know the whole story. But it’s pretty clear that Stephanie put her signatures on the agency paperwork under extreme duress while undergoing an tremendous amount of coercion.
Personally, as an AP, that’s not the story I would want to tell my own daughter about her parents and journey into my home.
Two cents. Take it or leave it.
Have you ever adopted a child ? Suppose you had, would you return that child after nearly 1 month if the baby’s mother changed her mind? We should take responsibility for what we do. ***Only*** the judge and the court documents will show the correct story without *SMALL* alterations or *SMALL* exaggerations here and there and *CONVENIENT* omission here and there from one side !!!
Oh, well that one said mom2 and not mom2one which is how she posted on Marley’s blog.
Just so you guys know it’s not mom2one aka Judy aka Snarky Librarian aka Nate’s Mom. I wouldn’t come comment with that kind of stuff.
***Only*** the judge and the court documents will show the correct story without *SMALL* alterations or *SMALL* exaggerations here and there and *CONVENIENT* omission here and there from one side !!!
I am so sick of this cryptic BS. How would you know if there were exagerations or ommisions? Please I beg you to tell me. How do you know? There are only three answers I can come up with
1. You don’t know a thing and are just running off at the mouth
2. you are one of the people invvolved with the agency. In which case I think you should be locked up for what you have done.
3. You are one of the PAPs or a friend or family member of the PAPs. In which case you should be ashamed of yourself.
I am betting its #1
Aislin
Ummmm….YEAH.
I WOULD.
I WOULD RETURN THE BABY.
One month? That’s nothing compared to a lifetime of anquish. Let’s get real. I’m an adoptive parent. I have no uterus. I cannot bear children, period. It doesn’t matter if I adopt hypothetical child A or hypothetical child B, I still have to adopt to form a family.
Heartbreak? What’s one month of heartbreak compared to the heartbreaks I’ve already lived through? I couldn’t look myself in the mirror if I knew my child’s mother was out there somewhere fighting for her return. Somewhere along the line I learned how to be a survivor…everything happens for a reason.
If I was placed with a child, and then the parents of that child changed their minds I would be devastated. I would mourn and grieve. Hell, I may not even move from bed for awhile. But that’s not really any different than I felt after my hysterectomy…and I survived that.
See, that’s the thing about adoption from an AP perspective. As long as you remain thick-skinned, resilient and steadfast, sooner or later you’ll be placed with a child that won’t have a disruption. You can’t say the same thing for a relinquishing mom. She doesn’t get a fucking do-over.
Get real.
Um, yeah. I returned three babies because their mothers changed their minds. One after 2 days, one after 4 days, and one after 4 months. Did it hurt? It hurt like hell and it still hurts two years later. It’ll always hurt.
BUT.
I’ll also defend a mother’s right to parent her child till the day I die.
How else could I parent that child with any integrity? How else could I honestly tell my child his/her birth and adoption story without feeling any shame?
This tragedy surrounding Evelyn is unconscionable.
(memo to claudia – sorry if I’m cluttering your messages. I wanted to leave one for “going back to square one” but she doesn’t allow comments on her blog OR have an email address! blame her!)
OK!
Jenniferland,
Hello! I’m Maura, and you responded to a post I made about the Bennetts on Claudia’s site – thanks for that. I think it’s wonderful that you have adopted domestically, and that you are continuing to work through the difficult ethical issues that surround that. I’m haven’t been involved in any adoptions, but I’m really interested in the subject and I’m trying to work out my own opinions – Anyway, sorry for all of the preamble… I’m really interested in your statement that you’d “return the baby”. It’s hard to get tone across when *typing* – but I’m not challenging you or arguing or anything else – I’m just really curious… would you give your baby back right now if her birthmother said she wanted her? Would you give her to her grandparents if they showed up? What if it was the birthmother’s cousin? If not now, when *would* you draw the line?
I hope that’s an ok question to ask – I’m honestly curious.
thank you,
Maura
i think that Natural mothers “changing their minds” shows that a decision about adoption truly cannot take place while a woman is pregnant or post-partum. She is not “changing her mind” so much as she’s realized that birth has changed her physically and emotionally into being a mother and that the instinct she has to be with her child is the strongest pull in the world.
truly, adoption agencies should not be let near pregnant or birthing mothers.
a mother should be allowed to several weeks to recover from the birth and nuture her child before considering adoption and making that decision. only then she can make an informed decision with all the facts of how she herself has changed and whether motherhood is “for her” or not.
Maura,
Yeah, I think I would. And, I’m pretty sure any of the other commenters you read around the blogworld would tell you that I’m sincere when I say this.
My blog does accept comments. I get them all the time.
I’m not telling you that *~if~* a situation like this happened that I wouldn’t be extremely upset. I would. Losing my daughter would devastate me.
But, here’s the thing: I look at my baby and she’s an exact mirror of her mother. The things that interested her mother and father are things that she’s obviously attracted to, such as music, animals. I can’t deny the fact that my daughter is made of another’s genetics. Should, which I hope would never happen, but should Crettie return to us and tell us she’s made a terrible mistake, I would take her into my arms and together we would figure out what to do about it.
I’ve experienced my own kind of profound pain. I wouldn’t wish a similar pain on anyone else if I had the power to help alleviate it.
See, Crettie and Arthur are extremely bright and capable people. They’re not purple-headed monsters with green horns who had no life-skills or maturity to raise a baby. They could have done it. I’m sure they could have been very successful as well.
The one thing, the ONE THING, that allows me to sleep at night regarding Crettie’s decision to place Elizabeth is her own adoption story and her own very valid reasons for wanting to place her daughter. Those are her reasons, E-baby’s reasons, and not anything I feel obligated to tell you publicly.
I assure you that Crettie does more of the reassuring in our relationship than I. She’s the one that insists this is what she wants. I’m the one constantly needling her about how she’s doing, feeling, healing and suffering. She’s the one holding me up, not the other way around.
So, yes. Because I love my daughter, because I love her with every molecule in my body, if Crettie came back I would return her. And then I would pray to God on my knees for him to provide a way for me to continue a relationship with E-baby. I would cry, wail, mourn…the thought is enough to move me to tears now; but I would do it. Because above all, a child should be with her natural mother if at all possible, and the mother is capable and wiling.
(Argh. Sorry to Claudia AND Jennifer – I’ve TRIED to comment on “going back to square one” and it tells me I can’t because I’m not a “team member”. I’m sure it’s my fault, sorry, just responding again to Not-Claudia on Claudia’s blog, which is wrong…)
Jennifer,
Thanks for answering my question, and I’m sorry someone was giving you a hard time today. I think it’s easy to not know anything about adoption and think it’s all rainbows and puppies and kids are better off without their irresponsible birthparents…. and I think it’s also really easy to *start* to learn about the other side and to decide to just steer clear of the whole situation… but I think it’s really difficult and wonderful to dive in anyway, eyes open, and do the difficult emotional work of trying to make this work the best you can for *everyone*. So you should be really proud.
– maura
Thanks, Maura. Sorry for hijacking the post, Claud. I promise I’ll go figure out what’s going on with my comment button… 😉
There ARE so many flowers and roses people out there that it’s hard to believe when you actually find an aparent who cherishes the relationship between her child and natural parent. I started out in a similar place, and I think by really searching my soul, preparing myself for the process through education (which includes reading these blogs…) and trying to remove my own ego from the situation, I’ve enabled myself to understand (?) (I’m searching for a word here and it’s not coming) a tiny inkling of what it must be like to live in the shoes of someone forced to this decision. Forced may not be the right word, either, but ~something~ ultimately leads a woman/couple/man to the placement of a child.
My bleeding heart probably helps as well.
I appreciate your banter…it’s really hard to be objective when ultimately you’re making a decision of how to form your family. So many people just don’t care. They throw the money at the agency and wave goodbye without another thought.
Again, without the Clauds, Nicoles, Jennas, Kim.Kims…I’d never have made it to this place. Thank you, guys
what i don’t understand is why the media isn’t picking up the story of Stephanie and her baby.
maybe press releases and press information kits should be sent out to major media? because this is a story that is NOT dead yet.
has anyone issued a press release? faxed it to major newspapers and TV stations? (online press releases don’t count – the media doesn’t read them)