Just Because You Can Get Pregnant Does Not Mean You Deserve to be Mother.

Adoption is not bad! Just because you can get pregnant does not mean you deserve to be mother. I do not think that issues such as being unmarried should play a role in your choice though. But i do believe that at times adoption can be the best solution for a child. Growing up in extreme poverty is not what a child deserves.Also they need to reform who gets welfare, I am tired of paying for people who just have kids. Many people see this as a free ride ( not EVERYONE of course)

This is a comment that someone found the need to make after seeing my video Lost and Found.

One adoption story, MY adoption story..not generalizations, no posteurization..just me and Max…condensed into 4 minutes. and to that, I get a heaping spoonful of ignorant stereotyping. Sometimes it is too easy to fool ones self into thinking that things are changing. I mean, they are.. more and more people “get it”, but then you get trout smacked with a huge dose of dumb and I realize that we still have so very far to go.

I wonder what makes a person “deserve” to be mother? What makes a person “worthy” of assistance?

I can’t but help to look at the way our society looks at things in general. We value money and things. Not only do we value them, but we look up to the people who have the most money and things. And there seems to be this common unspoken understanding that these people who have, well, they got to where they are, they things that they have, because they worked hard for them..so they deserve them.

Maybe it’s part of the whole American mythology? That streets are paved with gold, that it is the land of plenty and that if you work hard, in America, you can be anything you want. You can have anything you want..you just have to work hard to get it.

Of course, someone like Paris Hilton throws that whole thought process out the window, but I diverse.

Those Who Have Less, Are Just Lazy

If working hard is the key to success, then it stands to reason that one must assume that the people who have not are just not working as hard as the rest. Lazy fuckers..they deserve what they get. Right? The poor? They must choose to be poor. After all we all know a good story of someone who grew up in the worst of the some project and kept their noes clean and broke the cycle..proving that it can be done. Their success and happiness is deserved..and the rest of the folks left behind.. must be more lazy fuckers. It’s America.. you reap what you sow.

If it only worked that way for real…we wouldn’t have Ms. Hilton thrown in our face every way we glanced and their would be a whole bunch of Mexican restaurant workers riding around in BMW’s and Italian loafers going to Hollywood parties.

Now, motherhood…yes, it is work to be pregnant. It might not seem to be work to get pregnant, but ask any woman in the midst of morning sickness or fighting pregnancy fatigue while running after a two year old and taking care of a house..or ask the next ready to pop waddler you see in the supermarket if making a new person is work and she will tell you yes.. if she doesn’t throw her shoe at your first. But, really, most of the true work of mothering comes after the baby is born.

So we really can’t apply the “work hard = deserved happiness” formula to becoming a mother… because let’s face it: babies come from SEX and SEX is usually just for fun. So somehow, the fun part negates the act of becoming pregnant unless one is planning to become pregnant ( and then, I hear, it’s more like work..I never had to deal with that issue at all being hyper fertile).

So let’s look at this statement again:

Just because you can get pregnant does not mean you deserve to be mother.

I can counter with the “Just because you can become pregnant means that you most likely WILL BE a mother”, but that’s almost too simplistic. So again, we are stuck on the “deserve”.

What Makes a Person Deserve to be a Mother?

If it’s not enough for them to CREATE the life that MAKES them a mother, then is it enough for them to WANT to be a mother? Did they have to PLAN to become a mother? ( in which case like one third of our own mothers didn’t DESERVE it. I know *I* was a surprise..my own mother told me and chances are 1/3 of you fit in the same boat). Does the act of ENJOYING the SEX make one undeserving? How does rape fit in then?

Or is it back to money and things.. that a deserving mother makes sure that she has all her money and things in order first? So she works hard FIRST and then she gets to work hard being a mom after? That’s pretty much what I get from not only these kinds of comments, but from the NCFA, from the hundreds of adoption professionals, etc. You just got to be responsible and manage your fertility until you have all your ducks in a row and deserve to get pregnant and be a mom.

And that, getting into the mythology of what makes a good mother, means you have to have the pre baby career, the house, the perfect Mr. Right ( think about it.. we tend to blame the chicks that get knocked up by jerks as “should have known better” that he was an cheating fool, or an abusive turd, etc…). All the good things, that good hard working Americans CAN get if they work hard because that is the American way.

So if you don’t have all that stuff.. then you didn’t work hard enough or long enough and you don’t deserve motherhood.

So the poor (because they are lazy fuckers or they would not be poor) don’t deserve to be mothers. The young ( even though our bodies reach their physical prime in our late teens and early twenties in regard to baby making) don’t deserve to be mothers. And if we bring in the whole planning aspect, then the “opps…i forgot to take the pill..i didn’t know this medication would cancel out my birth control…damn the condom ripped..omg where’s my diaphragm..no means no or in my case…oh, that’s why they took the sponge off the market” mothers all do not deserve to become mothers.

I bet you that’s a heck of allot undeserving mothers out there. And I doubt that all them are off beating their kids right now. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you went asking that YOUR mother might fall into one of these areas..or your grandmother..or your Aunt or even the best damn mom you can think of. They didn’t deserve it..just because they got pregnant..but they rose to the occasion and WERE mothers.. and did the best they could.. and they made due with what they had?

Yet, that is not an American value that we honor?
Nope, too busy keeping track of Paris Hilton..coz she works so hard for what she has. Yeah.

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Stay tuned for the next post were we discuss what a child deserves.